IF I HAD A BIG CHURCH

If I had a big church

A tithe a bigga tithe a bigga bigga bigga bigga tithe

All week long I'd run my TV ads

If I had a real big church

I wouldn't need a second job

A tithe a bigga tithe a bigga bigga bigga bigga tithe

If I had a really really big mega mega mega mega church

I'd have a great big building with ed-rooms by the dozen

Right on the outskirts of the town

Big parking lots filled with BMWs

There would be one large balcony for the late folks

Seats for the thousands who would come

Starbucks in the foyer just for you

And pastors of small churches they would come to bother me

They would ask me to advise them like Bill Hybels the wise

If you please, mega pastor

Pardon me, mega pastor

Posing problems that would cross Rick Warren's eyes

And it won't make one bit of difference if I answer right or wrong

'Cause when you're big they think you really know

If I had a big church

A tithe a bigga tithe a bigga bigga bigga bigga tithe

All week long I'd run my TV ads

If I had a real big church

My wife wouldn't need a second job

A tithe a bigga tithe a bigga bigga bigga bigga tithe

Lord who made the Baptists and the Jews

What’s so wrong with filling up the pews?

Wouldn’t it help to spread the good news

If I had a real big church

September 29, 2004 (?)

Lyrics by Bill Griffin

Inspired by a sermon comment by Phil Duncan (“If I had a big church”)